Don't Hurt Me
by sense-less143
Summary: In a battle, Kira got injured badly. In result, he was captured by ZAFT and became a prisoner. YAOI fic. KiraxAthrun fic. Torture fic. Drug fic. Angst fic. XP
1. Prologue

* * *

In a battle, Kira got injured badly. In result, he is captured by ZAFT and became a prisoner. YAOI fic. KiraxAthrun fic. Torture fic. Drug fic. Angst fic. XP

* * *

There had been some uneasiness in the morning, a bad feeling lurching deep down in his stomach, warning him to be careful. It was brushed aside by Kira when he put on his suit, determined to protect his friends. After all, a distraction can lead to horrible consequences, that was what he knew long ago. 

Just when he was eating, the radar showed four mobile suits coming to their way. It was all Gundam, the computer revealed, and Kira was given the task of distracting them in order to make a getaway for Archangel. The hope was slim, but it was better than none. Kira had done miracles before. He was expected of it, carried a heavy responsibility on his shoulders.

The bad feelings proved right. Soon in battle, him against Buster, Blitz, and Aegis, he was hit by a particularly strong missile. His head banged against the mini-screen, smashing them. Blood soaked his amber hair and trickled down his forehead. Two deep cuts from the glass marred his cheeks, smarting. To make matters worse, the impact broke two long, rod-like controllers, sending one of them through his stomach, stopping only to the plush cockpit seat. The wound made him cry out in pain; again and again as more missiles hit him. His tears mingled with salt, and he panted in exhaustion.

The pain was unbearable, but it cannot- not enough- to kill a Coordinator. Images in attempt to contact him were blurry, but the messages got through clear enough, even though the communication system could not function properly.

"...Kira?... F..Fraga here. Are you allright? Kira? Answer me"

"I'm okay" he lied, suppressing his pain, not wanting to distract the older man.

"Archangel is safe. They are in the Luna territory. Exit battle immediately and fly over in top speed"

"I'll try" he answered. What he didn't tell, of course, was for the fact that he could not control Strike. Not in his condition. Not without the compass malfunctioning. Not with the nausea he was having for losing too much blood in a short time. Not with three Gundams having the advantage on him.

"Roger" Fraga ended the line. Kira gritted his teeth in pain just as Aegis's sword collided with his Strike. Clutching his stomach, he no longer cared of the controls. It was not long until Athrun notices that Strike is no longer responding to his attacks. He attempted to contact his childhood friend, but in vain. It was cut off almost immediately. Two seconds later, sparks came out from Strike, and its Trans-Phase Armor went out. It remained lifeless, a dull, dead gray.

Sensing something wrong, Athrun decided to contact Captain Raww, asking permission to capture Strike instead of going after Archangel. Besides, the Archangel was too far away to do anything to, and they might rage the Luna Nation, an action better avoided.

After hearing the report from Athrun, their missions are automatically changed from destroying Archangel to capturing Strike. Athrun grabbed Strike, fear and happy mixed uneasily within him. Capturing Strike means that he could be with Kira again, but he was unsure of the reaction that he would get from his fellow teammates. Nichol is okay, he mused, but it was the stubborn Yzak that he concerns about. Dearka could help him in that matter, he decided. They reached Versalius without any disturbance.

Athrun could hardly suppress his worry as he opened the cockpit of his Aegis. He knew his friend. Knew his strong points, his weakness, and his personality well enough. It was not his nature to give up, to surrender himself. He would not abandon the ones he wanted to protect. These were enough to make his stomach knot in envy.

He was greeted by Nichol just as his feet touched the floor. The young boy just smiled sadly as they reached Strike, who still lay immobilize. He knew Athrun's connection with Strike's pilot, though secretly.

Yzak and Dearka came a moment later, a mob of armed soldiers behind them. After registering a curt nod, Athrun took an amplifier and spoke to it.

"Strike's pilot, please come out and surrender. You are surrounded by the ZAFT army. If you surrender quietly we will not harm you"

It felt strange, saying that to someone dear to you. But there is no choice in the condition. It might be different under a different circumstance, one on one.

Nothing happened. Strike's cockpit did not open. Athrun repeated the threat in his usual suave calmness, though his heart proved otherwise.

"Let me go up" decided Athrun. Protests against it by his subordinates were calmly countered. Clutching a gun, he hopped up, and force-opened the cockpit. The sight made him froze. His childhood friend was gripping the long rod stuck through him, his eyes half-opened, panting, moaning in pain in attempt to take it out. His bangs stuck to his forehead by a mixture of sweat and blood, and his cheeks revealed two deep cuts. Red stained most of his blue suit. The rest of the cockpit was in a mess; most of the compartment is either broke or covered with blood.

"Kira..." stuttered Athrun, clearly shocked.

As if he had just realized Athrun, Kira smiled a little, a mixture of relief and longing, yet the pain still lingers in his features. "Athrun.." Then realization struck him, hard. "Why am I here?! Where's Fraga?!" The sudden movements made him flinch in pain, and he clutched his stomach again.

"Kira.." began Athrun, pointing his gun to Kira, sadness painted on his features "We captured you"


	2. Chapter 1

* * *

Sense- Me here. Kinda forget doing author's notes in the prologue. Thanks for the reviews. I'm a sadistic bastard, so if I don't get enough reviews I will not continue. Or rather, I will continue, but I won't post it. I do this to satisfy my own sadistic needs. Posting was only an idea out of the blue. 

Oh yeah, I'm getting all the terrified vibes. XD I'm just kidding .

In response to the reviews, yes, of course I will torture Kira. Torturing young, pretty boys is my hobby.

Continue reading.

* * *

As if he had just realized Athrun, Kira smiled a little, a mixture of relief and longing, yet the pain still lingers in his features. "Athrun.." Then realization struck him, hard. "Why am I here?! Where's Fraga?!" The sudden movements made him flinch in pain, and he clutched his stomach again. 

"Kira.." began Athrun, pointing his gun to Kira, sadness painted on his features "We captured you"

The click of the gun was clearly audible in the ghastly silence.

"Don't move" Athrun instructed firmly, making his voice loud and clear, making sure his comrades below heard him. "Please" he added silently. Holding a thumbs-up, he motioned his men to come up. They shot disgusted looks at Kira, and pointed their rifles to him.

"Don't shoot" said Athrun, "Lieutenant Kreuze ordered capture. We need him alive"

Fighting unconsciousness, Kira adverted his gaze down. The pain distracted his emotions. He kept quiet, not moving, shallow breaths escaped his mouth every too often. His hands on the rod were numb; cold. Nothing mattered in the condition. Nothing but the distracting pain.

A small voice spoke inside Kira, his remaining performing part; almost welcomed the pain. That small voice reasoned with him, torturing him mentally with all too-true facts. He failed as a protector. It was only a matter of time until some ZAFT army caught Archangel and kills his friends, his only reason of fighting the battle in the first place. Though unspoken, he knew all too well that without him, Archangel was no match against any ZAFT army. They were Naturals. An inferior race. Unfortunately, that inferior race is important to him.

Sudden pain caught his attention. Looking up, he realized that Athrun was carefully tugging the rod stuck in him. By the looks of it, he had been working on it for a while now. Beads of sweat formed on his forehead. Glancing around, he found two men clad in clean white lab coats was hovering over him. Paramedics.

Through clenched teeth, Kira cried out as the rod gave away, showing a deep hole. His eyes were hazy, he noted, and all he sees were blurry. No more strength left in him, none at all, as if they had drained with his blood. His body literally fell, held only by a startled Athrun.

Nothing mattered.

Nothing at all.

I failed.

And I'm dying.

A horrible, slow death.

And I deserve it.

Because...

I failed...

Them... and

...myself...

* * *

Tick. 

Tock.

Tick.

Tock.

Tick.

Tock.

Time passed cruelly slow, as if God was taking his revenge on him. He was awake, he was aware of that. He could register what happened around him, but he can take no actions. He heard voices, but his brain did not bother translating the words. He saw blurred images, but he failed to recognize them. Kira have not the strength to do anything. To keep his heart beating took all he had. An eternity passed.

His surroundings were dim and smelled damp. Faint flickers of light opened his eyelids a bit, alerting him. A figure entered the room, though somewhat reluctantly. He wore the same clean white lab coat, identifying his presence as a doctor or paramedic.

'I must be getting better', thought Kira, as the man inserted a needle into his left arm and forced the content inside him, not caring at all if it was indeed painful for him. 'I can feel my fingers again'. He wiggled his fingers, and his toes. It hurt terribly to move. It hurt terribly.

Just about then does Kira feel the drug given to him. Painkillers. Soothing, lovely painkillers. For the first time, Kira observed the room he was held captive. Given the light, it showed an earth-toned room. A side held bars.

Nothing adorned the walls, save the multiple nails that act like hooks for coats. Kira realized the bed he was on. It was like the one he saw in the 2000-ish CD, the one where he studied surgery. It is feels very much like the thin mattress in the doctor's office. Moving his left leg, he also found out that the bed is small, barely enough to suffice his body. The little space made him uncomfortable. It means that it was not his bed, and this was not a nightmare.

His heart sank. Not a nightmare. It was not a nightmare. There was no way he could escape from this fate.

He heard soft clinkers of iron. Iron shackles. There are iron shackles fixed on his ankles, preventing him from further movements. His hands on his side were shackled, too, by the same cold material. He shuddered involuntarily.

The doctor still beside him seemed to take notice of his awakening. Scribbling fast, he injected another needle inside Kira. He bustled out, hurriedly, and a moment later he came back, bringing some half-dozen more doctors behind him. They brought machines, he noticed. Kira felt his light cotton shirt tugged fiercely, and the frustrated blow one of the doctors delivered to him. He flinched when a knife was used to rip the material away, so dangerously close to his veins.

His upper body was left naked, and immediately hands groped him, taking off the numerous bandages on his chest. It was replaced by a tangle of wires, set to measure his brain waves, his heartbeat, the whole of him pried apart by technology.

"Amazing!" one said, "What a miraculous recovery!"

That's too bad.

"His brain waves appear normal" commented another.

Please, wipe off my memories.

"His heartbeat is steady" said another, "It's higher than usual, but that must be the drugs"

Please, let me die.

"Attach the stabilizer" instructed one.

Because living hurt more.

They left him alone to the tormenting thoughts.

* * *

Lieutenant Kreuze strolled aimlessly in his room, after taking his drugs. The matter was interesting. His plan had not included the capture of Strike. Destroy, yes. Not capture. But now, what are they supposed to do with a prisoner? A skilled Gundam pilot, no less. 

After hearing the confessions from Athrun of his relations with the Gundam pilot, he understood the younger boy's emotions. He put no blame on Athrun's actions. He had proved to be an excellent soldier, always obeying commands and never questioned authority. There was no need to doubt his loyalty.

'Kira Yamato' he whispered silently. Sitting down unceremoniously, he stared at his monitor. Images of Kira Yamato popped up, displaying his progress by day. In the first ten days, he did not do as much as to blink. By the fifteenth, his wounds were nothing but scars. By the eighteenth, his broken limbs had set straight.

'He must have been specially engineered' thought Kreuze. 'There is no other explanation. His capabilities exceed even that of a normal Coordinator'.

Another pop-up showed his statistics. He has not received any training of any kind. He was a normal civilian before the war. To think that he has become a threat to the ZAFT army was nothing to be taken lightly of. It was as if his limits were none.

Providing that, it was almost a stupid idea to hold him to get information. He might know a little about Archangel, but his information is nothing they haven't had already.

What if he changes sides?

Kreuze smirked.

Athrun Zara, here's a mission for you.

* * *

Athrun have not the heart to visit Kira again. It pained him, looking at the lifeless form of Kira, making his heart tightened painfully. Each time he came, the same scene greeted him. He had pushed his conscience far away, the one that accuses him of the situation, the one that blames him on Kira's condition. 

But the damage has been done. There was nothing he could do to reverse time.

However, Athrun knew that he was the only person that Kira could ever depend on. That is, if he wakes up again. Whenever he had the time, Athrun would bring himself to the prisoner's cell, and just sat beside Kira, as if keeping him company. At times, he would brush his friend's hair, or fluffed his pillow. At times, he would simply stare at Kira's face, expecting those amethyst eyes to flutter open. At times, he would cry, apologizing again and again.

Today, though, a different scenario greeted him. The paramedics bustled hurriedly in and out of Kira's room, looking excited and in the same time, afraid. He stopped one to satisfy his curiosity, and the answer made his heart lurch.

His answer as he took of, snatching some papers and clutching a few labeled bottles was,

"He woke up! He's trashing around, so we're having him drugged!"

Sense- I'm still figuring who should rape Kira: Yzak or Kreuze. Or maybe someone else. I'll count the polls.


	3. Chapter 2

* * *

Sense- Nyahahaha. People like my fic. I have some personal things to say to the readers, so just find your name below. By the way, the polls are: 4 Kreuze, 3 Yzak, 1 Athrun, 1 Yzak AND Athrun. Kreuze it is. 

Silver badger 31- I'm doing this fic for myself, not for other people. So, I am the one who will determine what happens to Kira. He also will be raped, whether you like it or not. I don't care much for reviews. The novelty rubbed of after my first hundred on my other fics. Deal with it, or just don't read at all.

Julie Long- Kira will get raped. End of story.

Teno-hikari- thanks for the long review. I like long reviews.

* * *

"He woke up! He's trashing around, so we're having him drugged!" 

Athrun froze.

Lie.

That could not be true. Kira is special, yes, but he was not some kind of a monster. His physical appearances have improved, but there was no way he could move, much less thrash, in such short time.

Shaking, he dragged his body inside. Numerous doctors was forcing Kira down, three was injecting drugs inside him. Athrun saw tears. Tears of fear, of rebelliousness, of pain. He saw his brows knitted with pain as more drugs came to drain his energy. His left arm is already full with needles bites, some trickling blood down his once tanned skin.

He lay motionless on the small uncomfortable bed, sweat dripping down, mingled with shed tears. His eyes were closed, but he was still conscious. Deep pants escaped his lips. Kira's lips appear to move, begging a silent plea. A plea of helplessness.

"What happened?" asked Athrun to the nearest doctor.

The doctor just shook his head, a disapproving one. "Trauma" he answered shortly.

The answer shocked Athrun, but one brief look at Kira confirmed everything. He had fallen into a forced slumber, but grief and uneasiness was clearly plastered on his face. One of the doctors wiped the blood from his wrists and ankles, the new wounds Kira applied upon himself.

The doctor sighed. "It was hard, looking after him" he said, "We have to give him painkillers every night so that he won't keep tossing in bed. His brainwaves show that there was something bothering him every night. Nightmares, no doubt"

"Nightmares?"

"Nightmares" the doctor sighed again and motioned his finger to Kira. "This is a result of it"

"What happened exactly?" asked Athrun shakily. This was not expected. No.

The doctor took a step to Kira and rubbed the sweat on his body with a piece of cloth. "By the way they say it, he just suddenly opened his eyes, screaming his heart out" he said. "And he cried himself sore"

Athrun stood, not moving.

"Maybe the shackles made him more afraid than before, so he became more aggressive. He tried yanking them out"

"That... have to hurt" said Athrun slowly as he observed Kira's raw wrists. They were red, and bits of skin flaked around them. Several rags tinged with red lay nearby. His ankles were of the same condition. "Have to"

"A lot"

* * *

Yzak and Dearka lay exhausted on the bed, both covered with sweat, both tired from their recent lovemaking. But they were not lovers. They were just good friends. 

Yzak was aware of the older boy's feelings for him, but he cannot- should not- return them. As far as he was concerned, he is neither gay nor a bi. However, they both have needs to fill. They sought each other then, satisfying their lusts in a strictly business-like way. Women were not easy to find in the ship. Especially on this particular one, where his position as a Gundam pilot is well known and respected. Yzak could not risk all that for a mere night's pleasure.

Out of his three comrades, Dearka showed interest in him, hinted his feelings clearly enough. He used him, brought a more than willing Dearka to his bed. Of course, he let the older man have his way with him; he settled just fine under Dearka.

"You look stressed" said Dearka, pulling the sheets over both of them. "Something bothering you?"

It struck Yzak that he has been observed by Dearka, all the while when he was deep in thought. He sighed, telling himself that he should know better that Dearka was indeed, the most mature out of the four, and thus the most observant. He shifted his position uncomfortably, snuggling inside the sheets as he felt Dearka's hands on his waist.

Dearka smirked. "It can't be that I'm bad tonight, is it?" he teased, knowing too well of Yzak's short fuse. "You seemed to be enjoying it well enough"

"Stupid!" Yzak snapped. Dearka only chuckled lightly, too used to Yzak to take offense in his insults.

"Right" he smiled. Then his face grew serious. "Really, Yzak, what is bothering you?"

Yzak lay silent. "Nothing. I'm just tired" he said finally, pulling away from Dearka and snuggled at one end. "so let me sleep now"

Sighing, Dearka planted a kiss on Yzak's pale, smooth shoulders, and he wished him goodnight.

"You're a lousy liar", he whispered slowly as he closed his eyes.

"I know, I can't help it"

* * *

Nichol is worried. Really, really worried. Passing Athrun in the long passageway, the blue-haired boy did not even do as much as register his presence. Nichol's cheerful greeting was ignored, as if he was nothing but a floating, aimless ghost. His face look sunken, his eyes were red, and his hair was disheveled. There seemed to be a new air of coldness around him, chilling his heart and soul every second. 

But Nichol understood.

'He must've just visited Kira again' he thought. Nichol knew what happens after every time Athrun visited Kira. He would find an empty storeroom, and cried his eyes out. Every single time. He had heard too many times the heartbreaking sobs, but unable to do anything. Athrun seemed to have taken this too hard, blaming himself for Kira Yamato's current well-being.

Gazing at Athrun until he turned to a junction, Nichol shook his head sadly. He was the closest to Athrun compared to Yzak and Dearka. He knew Athrun more, became a place Athrun share his secrets and dreams to. He had done the same, shared his dreams to Athrun, his desires, his passions.

Now, without the usual Athrun, Nichol often have too much free time to use. Usually he would have spent the free time with Athrun, but now that seem so far away. Impossible, even. Feeling lonely, Nichol wandered aimlessly, and stopped at Dearka's door. Without opening it, he had already known that Dearka was not in his room. He had once stumbled on his lovemaking with Yzak, and made to swear to never tell anyone about it. Nichol knew which days they were both free. And on those days they will be together, he was told. Nichol blushed at the thought and walked on, feeling bored and lonely.

* * *

When Athrun finally returned to his room, there was a message waiting for him on the monitor. Athrun took of his shirt and laid it on his simple single bed, and took a bottle from a stand to drink before he focused on the contents of the message. 

It was from Lieutenant Krueze.

'Athrun Zala', it said, as Athrun read slowly under his breath, 'Please be informed to report to me on 0600 tomorrow. Special case Law 56, Column 2. Please read the information attached below'.

This was nothing new, but Athrun wondered on the phrase, 'special case'. Shrugging it off, he clicked his mouse to download the attachments. Without waiting, he grabbed his towel and slipped off his remaining garments and made way to his toilet. 0600 is only a couple of hours away, and he'd need time to look presentable. With his tear-stained face, and a runny nose, along with disheveled hair, Athrun doubted Lieutenant Krueze would be pleased.

He was, after all, his lover.

* * *

A warship is still a warship after all. Wherever Nichol looked, everybody was too busy working to take much notice in him. He walked on, hoping for someone he could talk to to ease his boredom. After half an hour, he stopped for a drink from the canteen. Nichol walked some more, not really paying attention to the direction he was heading. 

Nichol was somewhat startled when he realized the place he was in. It wasn't as if the place was restricted or anything. He was given authority to the whole ship.

Nichol just stared at the security device in front of him blankly, the automatic device which automatically asked for the security card. He stared at the iron door, one which embalmed the words 'Prisoner Cells' on it.

* * *

Sense- I'd like to have a word here. I'm extremely suicidal, so if I didn't update for more than a week then it means that I have already died. 

The next chapter is guaranteed, though. I didn't waste my time for nothing.

Reviews are appreciated. If there are new ideas I might do more chapters.


	4. Chapter 3

* * *

Sense- I admit, I have double personality. Most of the time I'm okay, but when I'm down, I'm really down. Unfortunately, the only time when I'll write an angst fic is when I'm down. 

Which is pretty often nowadays.

When I'm NOT down, however, well, I can actually write humor.

And darn good ones at that. Try 'WK Random fics', my abandoned fic (I mean, the one where I forget my password) for the anime 'Weiss Kreuz'.

Enough promoting.

Oh yeah. Contrary to the popular belief, I finish each chapter in about two/three days. And my mood varies. And my internet connection sucks. Blame that on late updates.

* * *

Nichol just stared at the security device in front of him blankly, the automatic device which automatically asked for the security card. He stared at the iron door, one which embalmed the words 'Prisoner Cells' on it.

Nichol gulped, feeling his throat dry all of a sudden. There was no motive of him going inside the prisoner cells. Versalius hardly ever kept prisoners; most of them are either killed in battle or killed themselves, not wanting to live in shame. A soldier is a warrior. Kill or be killed, the unspoken rule says. That is the only rule in the military.

Times do change. Now there is a warrior lying alone within the bars. Half-heartedly, Nichol swiped his card in the security device's slit. After registering his identity, the door opened with a hiss. Almost forcing himself in, Nichol took small steps, wondering of his actions.

'I'm only bored' he tried to convince himself, 'I'll just have a look and I'll go'.

He passed the row of security, asked them of the prisoner's location, and left them after failing miserably in a few attempted conversations. Too few soldiers are socially active, Nichol knew the harsh fact. As a soldier, losses cannot be avoided. It was best to guard your heart as tight as possible, never letting feelings get the best of yourself. Sometimes Nichol wondered why he had chosen a career in the military.

Of course. His father. It was expected. It was forced. There was never any choice for him in the first place.

Once, back when Nichol was still in school, he had considered a job as a musician. All Coordinators have the talent, but few chose to make a living out of it. The war had blinded the population; priority was given more to those who design mobile suits and new missiles rather than those who struggled on creating the perfect sculpture. Music, graceful dances like the ballet, oil-painting, all those exotic arts which originated from Earth was sadly forgotten.

When he told of his dreams to his family to gain their blessings, he was harshly ridiculed. His father criticized him, threatening to go as far as disowning him if he did not choose a more 'suitable' career. Openly, he promoted the military, offering a high position for his son. As one who held a high position himself, he reasoned with Nichol, accepting no answer other than a 'yes'.

Rubbing his eyes, Nichol felt moisture. Damn. He was always the soft one out of the four. That is why Nichol could not handle loneliness and losses. Fortunately for him, those feelings made him more determined in a battle.

Because it is kill or be killed.

No more, no less.

* * *

Holding a file and a laptop, Athrun knocked, twice, and the door leading to Lieutenant Kreuze's office opened. Clad in his usual red uniform, he took long, measured step towards the man sitting cross-legged on his chair. Lieutenant Kreuze smiled, and stood up, accepting the salute the younger boy delivered.

"Report", he said simply.

Athrun nodded curtly, handing the lieutenant a couple of papers. "Kira Yamato was currently drugged after woken quite harshly earlier this morning. We don't expect him to move for at least another six hours. Additional information concerning Kira Yamato can be found inside this file", he said, handing the file to Lieutenant Kreuze. He grabbed it without muttering anything, his mouth forming a thin line.

"These pictures", said the lieutenant after a while, "did you take it?"

He threw some thirty papers on his desk, showing pictures of Kira naked and strapped to the small bed. Numerous dark bruises decorated his body, and his stomach showed a deep hole. His lips were chewed, and there were blood trailing to his jaw. Tearstains are still visible on his face. On a corner, three digits stood out in blood red almost proudly, bearing the numbers 001.

Athrun did not bother flipping through the other papers.

"No, sir" replied Athrun after he gulped audibly, a pink tint appeared on his pale face. "I did not take the pictures. I was not at all in charge with the convict"

Lieutenant Kreuze said nothing as he gathered the pictures and looked at them again. "These pictures were taken daily, yes?"

"The pictures mark his progress by day, sir", said Athrun.

"He's marvelous, don't you think so?"

"Eh?" asked Athrun, startled.

"His progress", smirked Kreuze.

"Oh. Yes, sir"

Lieutenant Kreuze smiled and stood up, circling Athrun. He noticed that the younger boy had bowed his head a little, hiding his uneasy face under his beautiful blue locks, and his smile widened.

He stopped right in front of Athrun and tilted his face up. Their eyes connected, Athrun's a clear jade color against the clear blue orbs Kreuze wore on his mask.

"You should know better", said Kreuze, slowly, in almost a whisper, "the reason I called you in so early"

Athrun closed his eyes. "I know, sir"

Kreuze smirked again, and leaned against the younger boy, kissing him passionately.

A loud beep interrupted them, and Kreuze cursed. The hologram over his monitor appeared, showing a black screen before the face of one of his subordinates in charge of the communications on Versalius.

"Sir, Archangel requesting interrogation" he said, not caring at all to see the Gundam pilot with his captain in unsightly hours, front buttons half-opened. "Again"

Lieutenant Kreuze moved gracefully near the hologram. "Then cancel it", he said, his face grim, "Again"

* * *

Warm liquid red was everywhere. The sickly iron taste of blood lingered in his nostrils, in his mouth, accompanying a more revolting image in the endless room. Below him, a mass of corpses lay, eyes open, terrified. Most of them had their throats slit open, showing deep gashes.

And most of them were people Kira knew. His friends stared at him with soulless eyes; as if blaming him.

Kira stared at his own hands. They were red, and wet, and warm. His knife slipped out from his shaking hands, and he trembled violently. His legs gave away, and he dropped to the mass of corpses. Kira held himself while he shook, trying to retrieve the knife.

With one unhesitant, fluid movement, he laid the knife against his throat. And he dragged his hands across the veins. And he fell, now one with the others, and with the others as one.

And Kira felt the final blow; the one which made his heart sank painfully: he woke up. He woke up suddenly, shakily, limp from his recent nightmare. Kira heard his own loud pants, and the little pauses in it that refused to let him break down and cry. No. No more crying. It won't change a thing. It never did. Not for him.

But Kira lost. Without even realizing, he cried harsh, racking sobs. One which shook his body the same way in his dreams. In the darkness, he released his emotions.

* * *

Nichol walked slowly, looking through each cell before he reached his destination, aware that he was trying to waste time before his long-awaited shift. Every cell was the same, lighted only by a single dim bulb. From what he was told, Kira Yamato's cell was no different from the others. Save only for his lithe body which decorated the cell, Nichol could detect no other movement other than Kira's shallow breaths.

He walked cautiously, immediately implanting Kira's features in his memory. He hadn't really known how Kira Yamato looked like. On the day he was held captive, Nichol only watched from far, having other matters to attend to. Nichol recognize, however, the slim figure of the prisoner, and his mocha hair, and his tanned complexion.

What Nichol does not know, however, is for the fact that Kira's eyes are a sparkling amethyst color. It fluttered open wide suddenly just as Nichol was beside Kira, startling him. Kira shook his head fiercely as he let out a scream, sweat flying everywhere. Then he cried, closing his eyes, frowns forming on his bandaged forehead in the most beguiling way.

Nichol stood, not knowing what to do. It hurt him to see somebody broken, it hurts so badly. Nichol knew what it felt like not knowing where you belong; Nichol was in one. And he knew what it feels like to lose hope. Hope is a delicate, fragile thing, and keeping one offer no more security to oneself than a reason to live painfully till the end.

After a while, when Nichol thought it was safe to offer consolation, he made a small, audible cough to mark his presence. It brought his desired effect. Kira, through half-opened eyes, whispered something unclear. He does not seem to care that Nichol was there the whole time.

"Yes?" whispered back Nichol.

Kira did not answer immediately. Instead, he took his time, processing the word slowly.

"...Please give me the drugs.."

* * *

Review. Gosh darn it. I'm too happy today. 


	5. Chapter 4

* * *

Sense- I think some people misunderstood me when I said 'Gosh darn it. I'm too happy today'. They think I'm being sarcastic. Hm. I really am happy at that time. I'm a self-claimed manga artist, and my work got published at school. And I won the website award, now competing in the state region. And I dumped my boyfriend. 

Here's a thank you list to my favourite reviewers: Julie Long (for all the support, even though I'm being bitchy), pink-hair-angel (simply coz you're my first), teno-hikari (for the long reviews. I like long reviews), Immortal Sadness (coz you don't tell me what to do with my life, like all others do), WildfireFriend (coz you points out my mistakes. I'm forever grateful), and ClareH (coz your review's funny. I didn't make this fic an R-rated for nothing, you know. And yeah, this IS an angst fic).

Mmm.. and the reason I made Athrun x Kreuze for now is because that I need a reason for Athrun to be a homosexual. I can't keep making the boys running around being gay. I have to make it realistic. Or, rather, I can (:D), but I'd rather not, coz duh. This IS an angst fic. And, of course, despite it all, this IS an Athrun x Kira fic.

And oh, I just watched the anime 'Gokudo-'. The main character, a foul-mouthed, money craze jerk has Athrun's seiryuu (voice actor). I'm scarred for life X.x

* * *

"...Please give me the drugs.."

Nichol stared helplessly. Was something expected of him?

"I need it... Please..."

Something gleaming caught his eyes, and Nichol was finally aware of the contents laid out on a small table. On a white sterile tray lay multiple needles, all bearing the same clear content. A small box was positioned on the same tray, and when Nichol opened the box it revealed small blue pills no larger than his smallest fingernail.

Nichol knew the contents of the strange liquid and the pills without a second glance. He had graduated with honors; it wasn't hard. Painkillers. Drugs which soothe your pain, make it bearable. Drugs which make your head wonderfully clear and empty. Drugs which will keep you sane. Nichol had read in reports that Naturals use it to ease their pain.

Nichol stopped himself abruptly. I'm being discriminative, he thought sourly. It wasn't fair. Coordinators used the drug too, though not often. In the colony, Coordinators live in complete harmony. It was hardly ever used.

Without a word, Nichol picked up one of the needles and walked slowly to Kira, watching him writhe within his shackles. Kira looked at him with expectant eyes as another sweat slid down his naked chest. He stopped tossing and make himself rigid, turning his left arm towards Nichol, as if pushing it towards him.

Nichol let out a heave of breath, and slid the needle inside the waiting arm, and emptied the content inside.

* * *

Athrun watched the dull rays of the hologram subsiding, until the last of it disappeared into thin air. Up until now, he had thought, and believed, and cursed the Naturals on board Archangel for not taking any action after they captured Kira. He had thought that they were just using Kira's superb ability to help them. Using him. Using him in exchange for their false, pretended actions of 'love' and 'friendship'.

Up until now, Athrun had thought that he was the only friend that Kira had in this cruel world.

Up until now, Athrun had hated the Naturals on that single cause.

"How long" asked Athrun slowly to Kreuze, who had continued what they started and are currently busy disposing Athrun's remaining clothes, "had they requested interrogations..?"

"Them?" Kreuze gave a dry, husky laugh. "That is not important, especially now"

"It is to me" Athrun replied in his same professional manner, though there were obvious -- plea –- in his voice, "Sir". He added to empathize his statement. Athrun knew very well that Kreuze knew he used the word only when he was being a soldier, and nothing else.

It worked. Kreuze stopped kissing the sweet hollow of Athrun's neck and watched him. Watched his determined eyes and gave up. There was a certain air of strictness in Athrun when he was determined, as Kreuze found out. He walked back a few paces and readjusted his mask.

"Sir?"

"I know. I'll tell you"

Athrun didn't reply. He watched Kreuze with hawk eyes, eager.

"Archangel first started asking for interrogations" Kreuze began coolly, "about six hours after we caught Kira Yamato"

Athrun froze. That was an inconsiderately short time gap, considering the situation. Archangel would need time to make repairs, make adjustments, as well as to present themselves immediately after their arrival at the Luna territory. Time was scarce; it was clear that they were quite eager to seek contact with Versalius, though one would not count that as a good move.

"What do.. they want?"

"They offer all their weapons and battle planes in return of Kira Yamato. Stupid Naturals"

Kreuze began talking in a suave, mocking manner, about how they pleaded with him, how some of the crew talked to him and shed tears, and how they rejected their offer. He began talking about the 'annoying' interrogation requests they get every day, as well as requests to see and talk to Kira. But Athrun no longer paid attention to what he was saying.

Because up until now, he had just been proved wrong.

* * *

Kira opened his eyes, looking around. Lack of drugs is a scary thing, he decided wryly. His senses failed him, along with everything else. Shaking his blurry sight, he noticed a young man around his age beside him, holding what seems to be an empty needle. He smiled sadly, and walked away, disposing the empty needle in a nearby dustbin.

"Feeling better?" he offered, and stopped after realizing the uncomfortable state the captive are in. He scratched his head indecisively, suddenly finding it itchy. His wavy honey-gold hair toppled back into place as he fiddled with his fingers, unsure of what to say to the stranger after his previous question were left unanswered.

Kira Yamato swallowed hard, almost gulping the air in large breaths, and only realized how dry his throat is. Come to the think of it, Kira could hardly recall the last time he drank pure water. He vaguely remembered the long stand which held the water bag, plugged in fiercely with a huge needle into his wrists. It now stood alone, forgotten in a corner, its water bag wrinkly and empty. Kira coughed, once, just to measure his long forgotten voice, and found that the simple act hurts.

"..Water.." he asked slowly, half-expecting the beautiful angel in the red military uniform beside him to laugh maniacally and ridicule his feeble self. It happened before. So many times, until his hard pride are shattered. What's left of it was stored deep within, pushed back after his conscience decided it wasn't helping his already sorry state.

But the boy's action surprised him. He calmly whispered an "okay", and went out. Half-minute later, he came back in, holding a water bottle in his hands, one which are designed for sipping. After a hesitated shrug, he tilted Kira's head, and placed the nozzle near his mouth. He noted, dumbly, that Kira is too weak. He could barely manage to swallow the water. Nichol waited patiently, until Kira drank no more.

Kindness? That struck a painful blow into Kira's heart. Is there any left in this world? Or is it simply pure sympathy? Or mocking? Or is it duty?

Thousands of reasons swirled inside Kira's head, each more heartbreaking than the last. Oh, it hurt. It hurts so much. And there is nothing he can do about it. Let the last of my pride shatter. Let it break. Let me beg for forgiveness, let me writhe in pain.

Because kindness is merely a distant fairy tale, no more a rumor than it is a fact.

Especially in his condition.

* * *

A loud continuous beep interrupted Yzak's sleep. He tossed and turned in his bed, mumbling stubbornly, trying to cover his ears and reclaim his much-needed sleep. The beep grew louder each second, and Yzak woke up grudgingly. He sat up and stretched, and clicked on his tablet computer, setting the now loud screeching sound stop.

"Damn", he cursed absent-mindedly, opening the received file. New Secret Mission, it wrote. Yzak dawdled some more with his tangled hair before realizing something decidedly wrong. Secret mission.

Feeling excited, he quickly washed his face and shook Dearka on the bed. Dearka, the sound sleeper, inched away, but quickly get up after Yzak's consistent nagging and death threats. He laughed as Yzak made a face as he kissed him, and scowled comically as he's slapped across his face.

"Wake up already, stupid" Yzak growled.

"Just another kiss?" Dearka pleaded, opening his arms wide, as if inviting Yzak to him.

"No. You did enough last night." Yzak exposed his pale neck, full of love bites and hickeys. "See this? You did this. Now I have to wear collared shirts, you bastard"

Dearka laughed, standing up. "I told you before. I don't mind you showing it off to other people" he winked evilly. "In fact, I'll be more than happy-"

Another slap.

"Shut up already. We have a new mission. Secret mission, no less" said Yzak, regaining his formal posture. He glared. "No more of this until the mission is over"

Dearka shuts up.

* * *

File Case No- 89.033.67 (Special Missions)

Reported on 56th Colonial Day, Year 133 after Valentine.

Whom it concerns:

-Special Gundam Units members, excluding Athrun Zala.

-Coordinator Resources

-F. Y. Hilde Yeney, Head of Information Extracting

The Convicted: Kira Yamato (caught on 27th Colonial Day, Year 133 after Valentine)

The convicted are to be used to gain information about the Naturals. Use whatever means necessary. Torture are not necessary but are permissible. Do not kill.

Order from Lt. Krueze: If possible make the convict work change sides. Use drugs.

Full report due approximately a week from now.

End mission summary. For detailed mission please read documents marked 1 and 2.

* * *


	6. Chapter 5

* * *

I won the bet. I won the damn friggin bet I made with my yaoi-hating friend, saying that this fic couldn't make it to 143 reviews. Before that, I can't post new chapters.

I was naive. I'm sorry. And now there will be no more delays.

I would like to stress that English is not my first language, and all mistakes like the grammar and stuff should be overlooked. My thanks to the person who pointed out the mistakes. Now hiring beta-reader slash personal annoyer cough. If interested, please leave your e-mail in the reviews.

* * *

File Case No- 89.033.67 (Special Missions)

Reported on 56th Colonial Day, Year 133 after Valentine.

Whom it concerns:

-Special Gundam Units members, excluding Athrun Zala.

-Coordinator Resources

-F. Y. Hilde Yeney, Head of Information Extracting

The Convicted: Kira Yamato (caught on 27th Colonial Day, Year 133 after Valentine)

The convicted are to be used to gain information about the Naturals. Use whatever means necessary. Torture are not necessary but are permissible. Do not kill.

Order from Lt. Krueze: If possible make the convict work change sides. Use drugs.

Full report due approximately a week from now.

End mission summary. For detailed mission please read documents marked 1 and 2.

* * *

Yzak gathered his fellow teammates, all excluding Athrun inside his room. He had beeped Nicole right after receiving the order, and dressed himself up in the usual red uniform. All evidence concerning last night in his bed is gone; no more. Dearka put on a professional face as he sat silent on the chair, reading intently the contents of the said documents.

"... whole lot of crap" grumbled Dearka, sighing loudly. "I did not became a soldier because of this"

Nicole held up a printed copy. "Me too. Hear this: '..among reasons not known Kira Yamato is a Coordinator traitor, working under Earth Alliance... using feelings as cover for killings..." He paused. "He doesn't seem to be the type"

Yzak scoffed. "You met him?"

"...I was bored"

And he left it at that.

"F. Y. Hilde Yeney. Who is this guy?" asked Dearka after a moments' silence. "I met him once, but I never had the opportunity to know how he works"

Yzak and Nicole shuddered audibly. Yzak shifted restlessly on his armchair and Nicole closed his eyes. Both of them had once worked under him on a mission. Both of them hated it. The man was cruel.

"Head of Information Extracting" began Yzak carefully, after making sure their door was locked, "sounds much, much better than Professional Torturer"

Years old memories stirred inside Yzak and Nicole, remembering their first encounter with the man. He was in his fifties, but his body was bulky and showed no sign of retirement. His face and posture reveals that he is a man of respect, of honor, but his eyes proved otherwise. They are eyes of Hell, of sin.

Nicole ruffled his hair, messing it only to let it tumble back just the way they are before. It was his first job. His first day. He was entrusted into the hands of F. Y. Hilde Yeney to be trained, only to be scarred for life. Nicole was to act as personal secretary to the man, writing down messages, doing easy jobs. The man had been nice at first. Had been patient in teaching him of the ways in the military.

It was until a young man, a Natural, was brought in shackles into his office. The young man was captured in a Zaft territory, Nicole later learnt. His name was Hera. Pleasant face. Easygoing personality. Carefree person. The sort of people who had no more to do with evil than he had to do with the way orbits expand.

It was revealed that somehow Hera had sneaked inside the Zaft territory. He was brought to a small, dim room immediately to be interrogated. There, he had been tortured. Had been violated with the worst way possible. Hera suffered trauma. As soon as Hilde Yeney got the required information Hera was killed slowly. And his body was sent floating in a nearby debris. The trash bin. It was inhuman.

Nicole told of this tale to his teammates. He was met by another moment of silence.

"Why did he came inside our territory?" asked Dearka. "I can understand the Head if he were a terrorist or something.."

He was cut off almost immediately by Nicole.

"He's not! Do you know why he came? He was in love with a Coordinator girl! That's it! And he wasn't even someone who should be feared! He was not even a scholar! He was a painter!"

Yzak and Dearka stayed silent during the outburst.

"Nicole," began Yzak, "I understand. But the number one rule you should follow in the military is that you should never be emotionally attached to anyone"

"Especially your enemies" added Dearka, "no matter how innocent the person is, the fucking system hates them"

"Especially Kira Yamato," concluded Yzak gravely.

* * *

This is it.

The dreaded moment. The moment Kira knew he will not get away with, the second he stepped foot inside the Zaft spaceship, against his very own will. The interrogations. Two guards with guns opened his cell door impatiently, ready to take him to the aircraft, where Kira will be flown to F.Y. Hilde Yeney's nearby military battleship.

His instincts warned him. His conscious warned him. After all, he is no guest. A mere prisoner, that and nothing more. Die, said his conscious. Bite your tongue and die now. You will die later anyway. Kira sustained the temptation.

The last few days had been relatively easy for Kira, comparing to what he had been through. He was freed from his shackles, and eaten real food. His body had healed perfectly, save for the few proud scars. He was given access to the toilet to relieve himself. Although sometimes, late at night, the guards came to his cell to chain his leg, and electrified him with handheld electric guns just for the sake of it. Taunt him mercilessly. Pulled his hair and slapped him. Kira never resisted after the first two nights. He had learnt, the hard way, that being spirited invites more pain.

"Hurry up" said a guard gruffly. "I ain't getting any younger here"

Kira pointed at his feet. It was still chained. He said nothing.

The guard snorted and unshackled him, giving him a swift, sharp kick at his side during the process.

During the long walk to the aircraft, Kira was forced to remember the encounter he had with Athrun a few days ago. It was only a couple of days after he regained, and took control of his own consciousness. Athrun had been stunned; Kira remembered his expression at the time. Remembered his disheveled hair. Remembered his teary eyes. Remembered the only phrase said between them at the time, before he walked away.

"Kira, I'm sorry"

* * *

Two hours' trip later, Kira was greeted in a big, stuffy room in a less than welcoming atmosphere. Shackles adorned a side of the wall, while another bear multiple gadgets with spikes. An electric chair is placed in a corner, it's wires gleaming tauntingly under the florescent lightings. In the middle of the room there is a table, two chairs, and a lamp. Kira gulped audibly. Be strong, Kira. Be strong.

Nevertheless, it was hopeless. Pointless. Kira himself knew that he could not survive even if he escaped the ZAFT ship. He was hooked on drugs. Drugs that soothes him from nightmares. Drugs that helped him forget. Once, Kira recalled, back in the cell, he tried to reject the daily doses given to him. It hurts too much. The suffering was unbearable. His body shook uncontrollably, cold and piercing. It was as though there was a million needles piercing his skin. Nobody can handle it. Nobody.

He was shoved roughly into the chair, and there he sat until Yzak, Dearka, and Nichol entered the room solemnly. They seem to be avoiding my eyes, thought Kira. To get that kind of treatment.. Am I that dirty? That soiled? That disgusting?

The door opened again after a while. Based on the reaction of the others, who jumped on their feets immediately to show respect, Kira knew he will soon be meeting with the boss. He gulped. But his eyes stay fixed to the man who had just entered. A tall, well-built man flexed his muscles subconciously while he strode mightily to the middle of the room. He wore a different outfit. One which easily show his high ranks. Royal blue with silver trimmings. He took some papers from Yzak, scanning them painfully slow, then nodded his approval.

"Kira Yamato", his voice boomed, "the traitor".

Kira lowered his head, his thoughts spinning wildly. Traitor? Him?

"Coordinator, aren't you?"

Kira managed a simple, half-hearted nod.

And F.Y. Hilde Yeney's large, beefy fistconnected to his jaw squarely, knocking him roughly off his chair to the cold floor. Kira moaned painfully, spitting off blood. He saw, in between coughs of blood, that the man's face had hardened, his eyes shone like a vulture, his lips set in a straight line. He saw the two soldiers, Yzak and Dearka shifted uncomfortable, never looking straight to his eyes, never let out a single word. He saw F.Y. Hilde Yeney's long strides towards him before delivering a swift kick to his stomach. More blood flew out. By his collars, Kira was lifted back to his seat.

"Answer me properly, traitor", said the man, his eyes boring into Kira's evilly.

"..Yes"

"Now", he said, his face near, "are you a Coordinator or not?"

"..I am"

"Then why are you helping the Earth Alliance, I'd like to know?" he asked tauntingly.

Silence.

"Because", began Kira, "they are my friends".

With that, F.Y. Hilde Yeney threw his head back, laughing hard. Not the kind of laughter which invites smiles, but the kind of laughter which send shivers up your spine, an evil laughter.

He searched briefly through the mass of papers from Yzak, pulled out an outdated newspaper, and slammed it on the table in front of Kira. He smiled, obviously satisfied with himself. Pulling Kira's hair by his roots, he lifted Kira's lowered face by force.

"Read" he said menacingly.

Kira read.

And read again.

And read again.

Then he cried.

* * *

ANOTHER VICTORY FOR ZAFT : WANTED EA BATTLESHIP BLOWN TO BITS

44th Colonial Day, Tuesday: The wanted Earth Alliance battleship, the famous Archangel has been wiped off for good by the 6th ZAFT Battle Troop, yesterday. Before, the battleship has reported to be sighted in various places on Earth and in space. However, the battleship had engaged in various battles and managed to flee successfully each time, not until recently.

Officer Yade Roson of the much-praised 6th ZAFT Battle Troop said that 'the battleship's respond to attacks are worse than the rumors', as the battle lasted for only 30 minutes before a laser beam from one of the mobile suits blasted off the battleship.

"Archangel was only defended by a jet with the pilot believed to be Fraga, nothing else", said a spokesman. "And the ship appeared to be in the worst condition"

A report from the Lunar orbit confirmed that Archangel was denied repair and custody in the region some time ago. That was when the stolen GUNDAM was caught back, along with it's pilot, Kira Yamato. The pilot was currently held prisoner in the hands of Lieutenant Kreuze, who was unable to make a comment at the moment.

Personnels inside the battleship was not yet identified at press time. No survivors were reportedly sighted.

* * *

Review. You know you want to.


	7. Chapter 7

Just so that there will be no confusion, this fic is DISCONTINUED.

Why? I simply got bored with it.

However, if anyone wants to continue this fic on my behalf, please do so, but WITH MY PERMISSION. I will also act as beta-reader. Leave your emails in the review section.

I know this fic has many followers, and I am sorry that it had to end this way. But writer's block is one mean disease, if you know what I mean.

Cheers.


End file.
